we haven't spoken in awhile, have we? and i know a lot of this is on me. i am an asocial being. alright, most of it is on me. because when i think to reach out, i become afraid. So i am writing this letter to give you the chance to answer the questions that run through my head as i look at that neglected chat window or that blank new email.
Do you think we have drifted apart?
Will you be happy to hear from me?
Did i do something the last time we spoke that upset or angered you that i am unaware of?
Have you missed me but been respecting my space?
Or were you glad to see the notifications stop?
Yes, i wonder these things each time i reach out after a silence. Sometimes i can push through it, and sometimes i can't. But even pushing through is not the end of it. Then i have to wait for a reply, sometimes it does not come and of course i assume the answers to the above questions... and even when you do reply, i end up overanalyzing every word.
Perhaps it would be easier if i asked you to message me first... but no, what if i'm busy? will silence anger you? what if i have nothing to offer or just can't people that day? Doesn't that mean i've wasted your time?
This sort of thing is why i am so quiet a lot of the time. And i hope that with this understanding, you'll understand a little why i am asocial.
with love, your nervous and asocial friend,
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