An Open Letter From an Asocial Being.

Picture of a black cat looking uncomfortable and sad

Picture of a black cat looking uncomfortable and sad

Dear Friend,
we haven't spoken in awhile, have we? and i know a lot of this is on me. i am an asocial being. alright, most of it is on me. because when i think to reach out, i become afraid. So i am writing this letter to give you the chance to answer the questions that run through my head as i look at that neglected chat window or that blank new email. 

Do you think we have drifted apart?
Will you be happy to hear from me?
Did i do something the last time we spoke that upset or angered you that i am unaware of?
Have you missed me but been respecting my space?
Or were you glad to see the notifications stop?

Yes, i wonder these things each time i reach out after a silence. Sometimes i can push through it, and sometimes i can't. But even pushing through is not the end of it. Then i have to wait for a reply, sometimes it does not come and of course i assume the answers to the above questions... and even when you do reply, i end up overanalyzing every word. 

Perhaps it would be easier if i asked you to message me first... but no, what if i'm busy? will silence anger you? what if i have nothing to offer or just can't people that day? Doesn't that mean i've wasted your time?

This sort of thing is why i am so quiet a lot of the time. And i hope that with this understanding, you'll understand a little why i am asocial. 

with love, your nervous and asocial friend,
me. 

 

photo credit: doozzle Cat 'n Candle via photopin (license)

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Mobility Scooter

This post comes to you from a place, not of anger, but of resigned frustration. It comes to you in three parts. As some of you know, late last year i acquired a mobility scooter, finally. Here are my frustrations at being out and about on a mobility scooter.

Part One - People.

  • Pedestrians: if i am behind you on my scooter, i will say "excuse me" and pass you. This is not impatience. This is for your safety, i simply do not want to accidentally run into the back of you or run over your child/dog because you've stopped suddenly. You will recieve a thank you most of the time, especially if you've noticed of your own accord and moved out of my way without me having to ask.
  • Drivers: While i understand that you're trying to be helpful letting me cross even though you have right of way, it's not always safe and sometimes, i'm not actually going the direction you think i am. Please do not develop an attitude when i shake my head or wave you through.
  • Owners of parked vehicles: Please, please PLEASE stop parking across the footpath! Users of mobility scooters and wheelchairs need more space than someone on foot and we can't always safely (or at all) go out onto the road!
  • Good Samaritans: Don't tell me i'm being rude if i tell you i do not need help! Especially if i've had to say it twice. Yes, you're trying to be nice, but this scooter is my independance, and if i can do something (this includes opening and getting through a door on the scooter) by myself, i want to do it! This independence is kind of hard won and i'm going to use it!
  • Home owners: Please try to keep bushes low either side of your driveway. Personally i lose nearly 18 inches in height when i am seated in my scooter. Bushes can prevent us seeing each other when you are coming out of your driveway, and PLEASE make sure you shrubs and trees are not hanging over onto the footpath. This can damage my equipment or even smack me in this face (ouch!)

Part Two - Business Owners.

  • Make sure your shop is accessible. Yes, i understand that sometimes the building is too small, and i appreciate in those cases when staff come to the door to assist me. But big box stores? You have no excuse! Loose boxes/trolleys/ect in aisles or jutting out from the aisle caps are not only unsafe, but they make the store extremely difficult to navigate! This is NOT okay!
  • Make sure your outdoor signage is not obstructing the footpath! This has happened to me more than once. In one location there were three different signs that completely blocked the entire footpath area. This area is not for your advertising!
  • When you are aware that your customers have parked obscuring the footpath, please tell them to move! This is not space for them to park!
  • Bonus: Shopping centre management, please have a safe place where mobility scooter and wheelchair users who might be able to walk short distances can lock their device if they are going to be in a store that they can't take the scooter for an extended period. and don't try to tell us to park it outside! This is a several thousand dollar device and its theft can be life ruining!

Part Three - Councils.

Example of a mildly problematic slope between footpath and road. It is not a completely smooth slope and on occasion when coming up or going down this, the underside of my scooter bumps, sometimes even causing it to stall. There are worse ones around, but this one is the nearest and one i use a lot.

Example of a mildly problematic slope between footpath and road. It is not a completely smooth slope and on occasion when coming up or going down this, the underside of my scooter bumps, sometimes even causing it to stall. There are worse ones around, but this one is the nearest and one i use a lot.

  • Footpaths need to be even, smooth and not absent for several blocks! Mobility scooter and wheelchair users are required to use the footpath where available and when it is uneven/broken it can be painful for us to ride over or even damage our equipment and when it's absent, you're forcing us onto the road which is unsafe.
  • Please make sure that construction sites are not damaging/obscuring the footpath or covering it with gravel and when they build driveways, make sure that they do not have a sharp drop on either side! These issues can both damage our equipment and hurt us.
  • Slopes down from the footpath (see picture) to cross the road need to be even, smooth and present. Once again, when they are not they can also cause us pain or damage our equipment.

 

 

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Thoughts on weightloss.

A now and then photo of myself 5 years ago and at my last weigh in.

A now and then photo of myself 5 years ago and at my last weigh in.

Having lost a lot of weight, i've been asked some questions along the lines of "what's your secret?" Each time i've answered that there isn't really a secret to it but after more reflection, and the help of one person, i think i have a better idea of what that question really means. So here are some of what i will, for lack of a better term, call my weight loss secrets.

  1. Track and weigh your food. i use a kitchen scale and MyFitnessPal. This helps to make sure you're not accidentally overeating.
  2. Smaller meals. Society in general has normalised frighteningly large portions, often of the worst possible foods. Less meat, less snacks, more veggies and fruit.
  3. Water! Make sure you drink enough! This is another case where your smart phone can help. There are apps that help you track your water intake. MPF has this option, but i also use Water Alert as the reminders help me keep sipping. Simply replacing sugary drinks with water is a great way to reduce Calories.
  4. Track what you burn. For this i use Fitbit. There are other options, of course. But one that tracks heart rate will be giving you the best guide.
  5. Make healthy meals easier. For me, part of the problem was related to my chronic illnesses and disability, i was eating based on what was easy to make. What's solved this for me is a steamer, frozen veggies and a foreman style grill. (There are now reasonably priced alternatives to the brand name grill.)
  6. Find or remember the healthier options you like. A diet of foods you hate is not going to be something you stick to. But remember variety!
  7. Find exercise options that you like. For me it's the gym as it's a controlled environment where i feel safe.
  8. Do not overdo your exercise. Starting slow might seem like it's not doing anything, but if you push yourself too much and injure yourself, you'll lose a lot more ground than you would have "lost" by building up gradually.
  9. Weigh yourself regularly. But always in the morning after using the toilet and before eating. This will give you the most accurate idea of how much you've lost.
  10. Do not try to lose too much too quickly. The 1kg a week i'm doing at the moment is at the upper end of safe, i'm doing this to get down to what would be considered a medically healthy weight based on BMI. Once i have gotten there, any further weight loss will be at a much slower rate.
  11. Don't starve yourself. MFP advises a minimum of 1000 Calories for women a day and 1200 for men. Eating too little will be extremely hard to maintain and can be dangerous.
  12. Don't sweat the occasional day where you eat too much. The holiday season, birthdays, going out for dinner all make keeping the Calories down harder. That said, going over your Calories once in a while is not the end of the world! Besides, you're working hard, you deserve the occasional treat!
  13. Don't just weigh. Measurements can indicate loss on weeks where there has been no movement on the scales. Neck, waist, hip are a good option for quick measurements, but there are apps out there that allow you to log more.
  14. Motivation. You need to find the right motivation for you! Wrong motivation has caused a few false starts for me. In my case appearance doesn't work very well because it's very hard for me to see the changes in my own body. It's only been recently that i can see it.
  15. Progress photos. These are a great help when you're struggling. Take a photo on the day you weigh yourself, you can post them online or keep them to yourself, but flip back through them and see how your body is changing. This is how i first saw the difference.
  16. Clothes. As much as you can afford, make sure you're wearing clothes that are the size you actually are. While it's a nice feeling to put on a piece of clothing and find it's too big, it's not flattering and wearing clothes that look good helps with the confidence and will keep you going in the long run.
  17. Eat regularly! This may seem obvious, but regular meals make it easier to not overeat. They will also prevent your body going into starvation mode and storing more fuel as fat.
  18. Support. Find a group of people, either locally or online that are also on the weight loss journey. Encouragement and commiseration help even more than you can image.

The list is a little all over the place, but hopefully it helps. Feel free to leave questions in the comments or add me on fitbit/myfitnesspal.

 

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Thoughts: Mental Illness. (AKA i'm sorry)

i've been pretty quiet here for a long time. oh, who am i kidding? a lot of you probably thought this blog has been abandoned. the truth isn't quite that simple. i speak often about the need to be open about mental illness, and how that openness can help can fight the stigma that all of us who suffer from mental illness face. 

but i haven't really been practicing what i preach when it comes to this blog. and i want to apologise to you all sincerely for that. and i want to do better. i've had a post idea stewing for a while that's nearly come together and should start being written soon, but for the time being, how about we have a chat about how we're all doing.

since i came up with the idea and because being a blog, i kinda have to post for a conversation to start, i guess i'll go first. 

lately i've been dealing with a lot going on in my head. mostly anxiety related, i think. senses heightened from their usual ASD-induced 11 to a constant 15 (yes, out of 10). rage flashes when even the smallest thing goes wrong - and it's all i can do not to explode. plus, i don't trust anyone at the moment. this last one has eased a bit over the past week, but life is tough. but i've realised that not talking about it isn't helping me, it isn't helping any of you and its not true to my beliefs. so, i'm going to try to do better on that count. and i really want to hear how you are all doing. 

 

No, you do not get to force me to talk to you.

Last night i got harassed and threatened by a random user on irc. Now, this is a problem that Carly Findlay talked about very recently by sharing her own experience. Here's my experience from last night.

So, i'm chatting away in an irc channel (one i happen to be an op in) when a random user that i don't know takes it upon themselves to private message me without permissions, when i told them very clearly that i didn't want to talk to them several times and in several ways, they got aggressive culminating in these two lines:

= 21:32:19 <xxxxxx> this isn’t goodbye. i’m going to find you ;)
= 21:33:56 <xxxxxx> pieces of shit like you are the reason there is pain in the world and I will put an end to you

You can find the entire log here (note that i have removed the name of this person and the network name, this is the only editing i have done. 

For obvious reasons i'm scared and angry about this, moreso because i felt that there was little i could do. This person uses a service called irccloud which hides their IP not just from regular users, but from ircops on the network. This makes reporting them to their ISP impossible. There were some steps i could take, though.

  1. Banned them from any channels i could.
  2. Warned ops in channels where i couldn't.
  3. Contacted irccloud.
  4. Contact the local police - this was a complete waste of time.
  5. Tweeted about how i felt.

Now, my initial contact with irccloud though twitter didn't seem promising, but they did ask me to send through and email, which i did, and once they'd seen that they were able to act and got back to me very quickly, something i am extremely grateful for. While i won't go into exactly what they said, i will say i am satisfied with their response.

The police, however, need more training when it comes to online harassment. Their solution came down to "well, don't use irc". No, that's victim blaming! There is no way that i should have to hide because there are people out there who think it's okay to force themselves into my online space and threaten me when i refuse to let them. So, i'm going to keep getting angry when this happens, to me or to others and i will fight back.

photo credit: Talk 2 The Hand via photopin (license)
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An Open Letter to the So-called Patriots.

Image shared on facebook. Text: I wonder if I said Australia is the best country in the world, how many friends would agree with me. Share on your profile and see."

Image shared on facebook. Text: I wonder if I said Australia is the best country in the world, how many friends would agree with me. Share on your profile and see."

There's a lot of these sorts of posts around, and to be frank, they make me sick. Surprise, surprise, they also make me angry. This is what i call lazy or blind patriotism. It tends to be linked to ignorance and often, bigotry.

This country, like every other, is imperfect. This is something to be ashamed of. Our treatment of asylum seekers is in breach of international law. Our treatment of the poor, the mentally ill, the homeless is disgusting. We have had governments for decades who are more interested in lining their own pockets with the money of the rich and breeding fear of everyone who is different. This is not okay, this is not something to be proud of, and if you're sitting there ignoring this, accepting the hate that comes from Canberra, YOU are the problem.

You are not a true patriot. You're lazy, you're ignorant and YOU are the problem. If you want to be proud of this country, get off your lazy arse and fight to make this country something to be proud of.  Learn the truth about asylum seekers and fight for their right to be treated with dignity and respect. Learn what this country does to its poor, its disabled, to anyone who is different and fight against it. A true patriot strives to make their country better and doesn't ignore everything that's wrong. Go on, open your eyes. See this country's potential. See the fact that the "lucky country" is not living up to its potential and join us in the fight to change that. If you're not willing to, sit down and get out of the damn way.

A Tasteless Bait & Switch: The Jack the Ripper Museum

A whistle with Jack the Ripper branding on offered for sale at the museum. 

A whistle with Jack the Ripper branding on offered for sale at the museum. 

News of the Jack the Ripper Museum is all over twitter at the moment, and even as a true crime junkie, the whole thing disgusts me. Reports from the architect and council state that this was supposed to be a women's history museum and then suddenly we're faced with a museum that glorifies a man who is famous for the horrific killing of at least five women? This can only be considered a tasteless bait and switch and evidence that not only are the lives of these women still not considered worthy of respect, but that their only value is in the money their violent deaths can bring in.

A brief look at the website shows exactly how disrespectful this museum is, (see above) they're selling a Jack the Ripper branded whistle of all thing. Is there any way to see this aside from as a jab at all women who are victims of violence?

With a society that still celebrates this violent, still unidentified man, what conclusions should we be drawing about not only society itself? But about claimed changes to the views this society holds on violence and towards women? 

More importantly, what do we do with those answers? How do we truly make the world better, safer and more amazing? 

A reflection on anxiety during bushfire season.

Bushfires are scary as well as deadly.

Bushfires are scary as well as deadly.

Today has been rough. Bushfire season has started early here in Australia, and honestly it's a huge anxiety trigger for me.  

The sound of the sirens, the ping when the fire ready app reports an incident near me... and the news, the constant reports of fires all over the country. Honestly it's terrifying. It's true that the information is vital and saves lives, so the answer is certainly not to hide from it.  

But the what is the answer to surviving bushfire season with minimal anxiety? Is there one? If there is, it's currently beyond me.  

photo credit: 2286508570055500858 via photopin (license)

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Why i write...

Wow, what a complicated thing to answer... But i guess i should limit it to the three main reasons.

1. A Coping Mechanism

Like many people i battle anxiety and depression, it's not an easy battle, but writing and expressing myself through the written word helps. Writing out my anger, my frustration, my fascination, and my various thoughts on the world helps me to deal with a world that often times makes no sense to me. It also distracts me from the chaotic sensory torture i deal with every day due to being on the autism spectrum.

2. To Communicate and Engage.

This one is rather frustrating for me due to such a small readership at this stage, and is going to sound somewhat presumptuous. But i feel like i have something to say to the world, and i want a chance to say it, and to hear what people have to say in return. The amount of time i spend frustrated by like buttons is getting a little silly, admittedly they are a form of engagement, but i don't want to just know what my readers "like" my work, i want to know what they do and don't like. What they think about the topics i discuss. It means so much to me when people strike up a conversation about a blog post. While i'm aware that it takes time to build up the sort of readership that is going to get that sort of deep engagement, it's something that's very important to me.

3. (Hopefully) Income.

Currently i am on disability, income is tight, and due to the disabilities i have, most forms of work aren't an option. But writing is something i can do fairly easily and comfortably. It would do me so much good to earn enough money from my writing to not be "wealthy", but to not worry about paying my next bill or for my medication and to ideally earn enough for the Love of my life and i to be in the same place. Okay, i'm fully aware that this isn't completely feasible through Patreon alone, but an increased readership could also gain attention from other sites i could write for.

Of course, you're probably now asking why i'm telling you all this. It's because i have some requests for those of you who do read this.

  1. Comment - anything you want to tell me about the post - Do you like/dislike my view on the topic? Do you want to explore it with me some more? Do you have a suggestion for a related topic you think i might like to explore and write on? Comment on the blog, on the Facebook or G+ pages, or tweet me.
  2. Share - Like the post? Know someone who might get something out of it? Share it on anywhere and everywhere you choose to!
  3. Support - If you so choose and can afford to, support me on patreon, as little or as much as you chose/can afford. You could also send people who may be interested in hiring me for their own sites this way so that they can have a look at my style.
  4. Ideas - If you have any further ideas how i could get this blog some more attention or get reliable work righting in my own style, let me know!

photo credit: Quill via photopin (license)

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Dear Fat People,

3147796891_f2930b8359_n.jpg

There is a video gaining a lot of attention on YouTube at the moment which is directed at fat people. While i'm not going to link to that video, you can check out these response videos from Ashley Mardell and Meghan Tonjes. The following is what i want to say to other fat people.

Dear Fat People, 

There's a lot of pressure in this world to be thin, to be beautiful, to be perfect. Whether or not you buy into this, the first thing you need to do is love and accept your body. This will help you deal with the way the world looks at you if you choose not to loose weight.

The other key thing that it will do if you are trying to loose weight is that it will help. If you love and accept your body, you'll be more inclined to look after it! And, yes! That is going to help you lose weight.

But whichever camp you're currently in, it is so so important that you love and accept yourself, and don't let fat shaming and societal standards make you hate yourself or feel like crap.

love,

me.

 

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On my shitty town and the anti-mosque protests

Well, it must be a day ending in "y" because once again i'm angry. (What a surprise!) The fuss in Bendigo over the proposed mosque absolutely disgusts me! This is a town with approximately 50 christian/catholic/similar churches and there are people who have the cheek to say that ONE mosque is "forcing their religion down our throats". Pot, kettle, black much? 

We live in a country that used to be so proud to be multicultural, a country that celebrated he melting pot! No one protested the building of The Great Stupa, no one bats an eyelid when a new church is built. The only possible explanation for this reaction is bigotry and islamophobia. This is totally disgusting behaviour, this is not okay. There is no reasonable justification for denying people their place of worship simply because their beliefs do not match yours. Hell, if your beliefs are that fragile that another faith having ONE place of worship is a threat to you, then you might want to look at yourself.

The other squawking is the fairly obvious "terrorist threat" bullshit that follows muslims everywhere. Bendigo has a strong muslim community, both in the medical community and as students at La Trobe University. Nothing's blown up yet! It's beyond me how anyone could imagine a simple place of worship changing that.

Personally i'm very much in favour of this mosque and excited to see it built. As far as i'm concerned those against it need to sit the hell down and shut up.

On being Trans, stealth.

Okay, deep breaths, my parents both know and have taken it well so here goes... everything? Yes, i am transgendered, specifically non binary or gender fluid. Pronouns will remain she/her as this is how i largely present and because it is fitting for other elements of my lifestyle - something i won't go into in this post. Of course, some of you know, my trans siblings largely know. But i want to talk about why i've not told some people. About why some trans people choose to be "stealth".

Trans_Pride_Flag.png

Society at large focuses very much on a gender binary. Male and female, and to be any type of trans, be it mtf, ftm or outside the binary, we challenge that binary just by existing and some find this threatening, from a simple level of discomfort to sometimes extreme violent reactions. This is something that puts our lives at risk. While i can't be sure what the risk is for people like me there's still a lot of fear. The amount of time i spend afraid that the next trans death will be someone i know directly, or someone they know directly is really huge. Truth is i love all my trans siblings, whether i've met them yet or not, and each loss hurts.

So this is me. Out. If you're wondering how to be a good ally? Here's a wonderful video that may answer a lot of your questions. Any others? feel free to ask me.


Secrets

They says that everyone has secrets, and it's true. We all have things in our lives that we keep to ourselves or are selective about who we tell. Sometimes we do this to protect ourselves, sometimes to protect others. This is perfectly understandable.

Certain things aren't the business of acquaintances or strangers, even to some extent, friends. Things like gender identity, sexual orientation can get people hurt or killed. A loved one learning we're an abuse survivor can be cause them a lot of pain, and explaining it can drag us back to a place we don't want to remember.

But at the same time, keeping secrets from loved ones can be hard and when the come out, the fact that it was a secret can hurt just as much.

It's important to think carefully about who we share things with and who we don't. None of us can live with no one to share things with, wearing a mask with everyone in our lives. But it's just as important to remember that when people keep things from us, that their reasoning may not be deceitful or malicious.

 

photo credit: Hush Hush via photopin (license)


On Violent Protest

It's been a topic for debate for a while but tonight i've seen two memes on the topic, and they piss me off. Here they are:

These images piss me off on a couple of levels, the first is notice that both portray people of colour? This editorial on CNN covers it well, so i won't rehash it.

The other problem is that this is an attempt to dictate how people speak out or protest. Looting is a whole other matter and usually the activity of opportunists. Rioting, however, is often a form of angry protest employed when all forms of peaceful protest have been exhausted. 

These are frustrated, disenfranchised, vulnerable people who have gotten to the point where they believe no one is listening. It is not okay to withdraw vital supports because you disagree with their methods. It is not okay to tell them that because another person protested in another way successfully, their methods are invalid.

You have every right to disagree with their methods, you have every right to choose your own protest methods, but despite what many people would like to believe. Violence sometimes is the answer.

Today... i feel ugly.

Today i feel ugly, not on the outside, but on the inside. Someone i used to be close to has passed away, and while there have been some good memories come back, i still feel resentful about the matters that caused us to part ways. On top of that i feel resentful that they dared to pass away when i was almost prepared to bury the hatchet with them (as opposed to in them, which is how i had felt for years.) 

Yes, i know that i'm being hard on myself and that anger is a part of the grieving process. But it's one that i am not handling right now... the missed opportunity is very painful and it's something i'll have a lot of trouble forgiving myself for waiting on.

(please note: some of you may know who this is about. please do not name names, i do not want to upset those who knew this person, but i did need to let this out.)

Just some housekeeping.

In a possibly vain attempt to keep what remains of my sanity, i've decided to split some things up into blog related, SJ related and personal/bdsm related. So here's the wall of relevant links for my social media sorted according to their uses:

Blog/Vlog/Writing Related:

Social Justice Related:

Personal:

If you find that you've been unfollowed by my personal twitter, you may have been moved to another account.

An Open Letter to Terry Pratchett

Dear Terry,

The first time i read The Colour of Magic, was during a rather chaotic time in my life, it was then quickly followed my many more books from the Discworld series, and the world, your writing, the stories you told took me out of my mundane, stressful life and into a world of magic, wonder and your wonderful wit.

Since then more people in my life have either discovered your talent, or simply discovered my love for your work and shared with me their own. It's always a delight to discover that a friend, new or old, is a fellow traveler through the Discworld, a fellow citizen of Ankh-Morpork.

But while you were mostly known for your wit, Choosing To Die proved to me how thoughtful and serious you could be. Watching that documentary was tough, of course it would be; but your gentle, respectful narration made it a little more bearable, despite the fact i wept through most of it.

Your passing, however, has saddened me even more. While i understand that you were very ill, that you are now at peace, i still feel your loss keenly. There were so many more stories for you to tell, and i rage at Alzhimer's for taking you so early. At the lack of research and funding that could have saved your life and imagination for those who love you, your family, friends and fans. At the same time, i know that in a way your many books have made you immortal and while there will be no more stories, i can always revisit those that already exist. Did you know that your books are inherently re-readable?

Perhaps i should end this simply by saying, as others have: thank you, Terry, for sharing your imagination with us. Rest in Peace, Terry. Rest in Awesome.

below are some of my favorite quotes.

“He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe.
Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.”
Terry Pratchett, Mort
“And what would humans be without love?"
RARE, said Death.”
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
“If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.”
Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
“And what would humans be without love?"
RARE, said Death.”
Terry Pratchett, Sourcery
“If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.”
Terry Pratchett, The Wee Free Men
“Scientists have calculated that the chances of something so patently absurd actually existing are millions to one.
But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.”
Terry Pratchett, Mort

[From the Vault] Guidelines for being welcome in my life/home [Updated]

Those who need to read this probably never will. but those of you who do read it, might take away something to use in your own lives. so here goes:

  • my Husband/Master is the light of my life, He is my rock. if you cannot at least be civil/respectful to and about Him, i don’t want you around.
  • The above applies to ex-partners i am still friendly with.
  • The above also applies to my family and chosen family. if you have a pass on this one, you’ll know about it. do not assume. this also applies to my Master’s families (chosen and bio).
  • Your religion may work for you, but that doesn’t necessarily mean i want to hear about it. If i want to, i’ll ask.
  • BDSM and Gor are part of my life. If you do not agree with aspects of this, that's fine. But respect that it is part of who i am.
  • There is no place in my life or home for racism, sexism, whorephobia, rape apologism, victim blaming, oversexualisation, desexualsation, transphobia, fatshaming, thinshaming or general bigotry based on any form of religion, gender, or other belief. those supporting harmful beliefs will be asked to leave, but will not be treated in a harmful fashion.
  • Objects brought into my home should be useful, beautiful or both. be they gifts or things of your own that will leave with you.
  • Laughter is encouraged, music is required. Food will be judged on how happy and content it makes the eater. Cuddles are ALWAYS a good thing.
  • All animals should be treated with respect. Yes, even that spider you have to kill because it terrifies you – do it as quickly and painlessly as you can. Yes, even the magpies auditioning for a remake of a certain Alfred Hitchcock film in my front yard.
  • When i am particularly unwell, either physically or mentally, i may drift away. This is not rejection. When i am doing better, i shall drift right back. It’s simply not fair on either of us to try to deal with my issues at their worst AND try to communicate.

That’s pretty much it. hopefully this makes sense!

This post is from my old blog, it was originally posted on October 15th, 2013. It was updated on February 10th, 2015 to reflect some changes in my life and beliefs. For those interested, the original text can be found on the wayback machine archive here (third post down).