[From the Vault] Open Letter: Words Hurt (or: to the fat-shaming jerk)

Dear Man in the Restaurant,

your glib comment that i couldn’t get past you far-too-pushed-back-from-the-table chair because i “ate too much” was not only rude, but extremely hurtful. i know that i am fat, but it is not solely due to diet – and as far as dietary element, it’s what i eat and now how much. how dare you, without so much as a thought, judge my diet and weight as something you have a right to comment on. i wanted to say something to you, that your comment was fat-shaming, and indeed in my case, rather ableist. i was tempted to, i was angry and i was hurt.

but here’s the thing… you’re a stranger, an ignorant, shallow stranger. you’re not someone i have to answer to, so i’m going to use this incident as a teaching moment for others who will listen, or who have had experiences like mine today. this is what i realised as i sat in the car on the way home:

  • my medical situation – my health, disability, weight – are none of your business.
  • the reasons for the above are none of your business either.
  • the only person i truly have to answer to when it comes to the above is myself. perhaps, to a lesser extent my family and friends.
  • being fat does impact on my health and my disability – because of their nature. being fat is not actually inherently a bad thing.
  • i don’t need to be ashamed of how i look because you can’t keep your mouth shut and choose to make smart mouth comments to someone you don’t know.

so there.


This post is from my old blog, it was originally posted on November 10th, 2013.